Secrets and Storms

~oOo~

There's always the calm before the storm, and we're more than well acquainted with storms here in Florida. Hurricane season is obviously when we are most likely to see the worst Mother Nature has for us, but as any Floridian knows, living on a peninsula with your ass hanging out into the Atlantic Ocean means always being ready for a storm. Still, there are some storms you just can't prepare for. Case in point, the shit storm that I unexpectedly found myself in when I came home. I'd been out of town over the weekend, taking care of some business in Tallahassee for Eclipse Choppers. I hated being away from Mini and Bella, but the trip was necessary, and I silently wondered when I'd become such a pansy that I couldn't spend forty-eight hours away from a woman. Granted, she was the woman I loved, but still...

I'd already stopped at my condo to drop off my things and I spent some time with Mini. He was less interested in filling me in on what he'd been up to than in the new XBox game his Uncle Emmet had bought him in my absence. I personally think that I'm infinitely more interesting than a game. My son's opinion on the matter: not so much. After that warm homecoming, I decided to visit the person I knew would welcome me with open arms. I pulled into her driveway and sighed as I clicked off the ignition. The winter air was brisk, and the wind coming off the water was making the cold sting just that much more. Taking the stairs two at a time to her front door, I rushed to see the one person I needed to see most at that moment. I let myself in with the key Bella had recently entrusted me with. She had a key to our condo as well. It just made sense. I had a feeling she wasn't home when my presence at the door wasn't met with ear-shattering barks. Instead, Chaucer the cat rubbed against my ankles in a rare greeting, so I stooped down to scratch his head.

"Hey there, little man. Where's Beauty and the Beast?" I asked as I made my way through to the kitchen.

"Meow," Chaucer answered.

"Well, you're a big help." That's what you get for talking to a cat, Einstein.

I noticed a slip of paper on the counter.

Beloved,

Took the mutt to work off some pent up energy on the beach. (He was driving me NUTS!) Walk over if you get here before we get back. Can't wait to see you.

Yours,

Bella

I quickly locked the door and took off across the road to the beach where my girl would be waiting. I froze at the sight of her and took in the view. She stood facing the water watching the waves advance and retreat, with her shoes in her hands and her arms wrapped around her middle. I wondered how she could stand there barefoot in the cool sand. Dressed in a long, flowing lavender skirt and a thick sweater that made me crave vanilla ice cream, she looked to be contemplating the mysteries of the universe. The wind gusts made her hair and skirt dance around her; she might have been blown away if not for her feet being anchored ankle-deep in the sand. I stood mesmerized as the wisps of hair obscured her profile. She was a vision.

Darcy was a few yards away, chasing the waves and playing with a seashell he'd found rolling in and out with the surf. He would dart back and forth between Bella and the water, enticing her to play with him. She'd wrestle the shell from the beast and toss it down the beach, and he'd take off after it, splashing as he galloped back. The mutt must have caught my sent in the wind, and came barreling over to me. His muzzle found my hand as soon as he was close enough. I happily returned his greeting with ear rubs and head scratches. Bella turned to see who Darcy was so eager to greet. The smile that bloomed across her face when she noticed me made my heart stutter in my chest. I obliged Darcy's request to play as I tossed the shell he had deposited at my feet, and then moved closer to the woman I loved. The ten steps to Bella seemed like a hundred yards. My hands reached for her, seeking contact. The moment I touched her I knew I was home. I felt more than heard a contented hum as I nestled her against my chest, and realized the sound was coming from me.

"Hi, you," she greeted me and pressed her face into my shirt inhaling deeply.

"Hi, you, too." I rubbed my hands across her back and along her arms, trying to keep the chill off the cream of her sweater.

We stood there letting the breeze and surf speak for us. There wasn't much more for us to say, really. The waves spoke to the wind, "How was your journey?" And the wind replied, "It brought me back to you." The waves responded by curling closer to her beloved wind and resting on the shores of life with him. They knew that tides and fronts would separate them again at some point, but they rested in the knowledge that they would always meet here on the sand given enough time and the right conditions.

What? I can be a tad sentimental when it came to my girl and being apart from her. All that mattered was that she was with me in that moment. She chose that moment to shiver.

"Come on, sweetie. Let's get you and the mutt home and warm, then we'll head over to Mom and Dad's. The crew will already be there, I'm sure." She nodded and called to Darcy. We headed back across the road to her place, keeping the mutt on a tight leash until we were safely in her garage. After a quick rinse and towel dry for the third of us covered in fur, we all made our way up to change and then drive over to Cullen Family Sunday dinner. I made a quick fire for Darcy to roast in front of while Bella got ready.

"Help yourself to whatever's in the fridge. Be warned, it's slim pickins in there, love. I haven't had a chance to run to the store since I got-- off Friday. It's been a busy weekend. I think there's a beer or two. Or you can open a bottle of wine."

"No, beer's fine. Unless you want wine," I called up after her. "I swear, if Darcy gets any closer to that fire we'll have roast beast on our hands." I chuckled at the thought.

"He knows not to get too close," she assured me. I could hear the faucet in the shower groan and complain as she turned the water on. "I guess singeing the fur off your rump has a lasting, educational effect on dogs."

I tried not to pout at the thought of Bella taking a shower and me not having a front row seat to the event, but I figured there would be plenty of naked time later. So I conceded and looked for the bottle opener to pop the top off my beer. I went through four drawers looking for the stupid opener, and the fifth one was a bust, too.

Damn! Where did she keep that stupid thing!

I was getting frustrated and nearing dehydration. I was close to prying the medal top off with my teeth. The only thing that kept me from actually doing it was the mental image of my mother hovering over me squawking, "Edward Anthony Cullen! Don't you dare use your perfect teeth that your father and I spent six thousand dollars in orthodontist's fees to have fixed!" By the sixth drawer I had given up all hope of drinking the warming beer. As I looked down into my last ditch effort with little to no expectation of finding what I needed, something-- not the bottle opener-- caught my eye. It was a boarding pass for a flight from NYC to Jax. Curious, I picked it up and saw that it was in Bella's name, but even more telling was the date. It was the same date as the one marked on the fridge calendar proclaiming: "Edward's Home".

Today's date? Why does Bella have a ticket from NYC? No-- not a ticket, a boarding pass. As in, she took a flight from NYC to Jax... today? This is from today? That makes no sense.

I stood there, my beer and the quest to open it forgotten, and tried to figure out what Bella could have possibly been doing in New York this weekend. And why I wasn't aware that she had planned a trip in the first place.

"Hey, you, whatcha doin'?" Bella stood in the doorway, freshly showered and dressed, with a quizzical, scrunched-up look on her face. I slipped the pass back into the drawer and closed it carefully, not wanting her to think I'd been snooping.

"Looking for the bottle opener to open this beer. Jeeze, Bella, where do you keep the damn thing? I think I've looked in every drawer in this kitchen!" I feigned exasperation over not finding the utensil, but the feeling was wholehearted. I was trying very hard to not jump to conclusions but failing miserably.

"Well, silly," she bounced across the room and pecked me on the lips with a quick kiss, "That's because it isn't in a drawer." Reaching around me, she plucked it from the side of the refrigerator where it was hanging and handed it to me. She seemed very pleased with her ability to solve my problem. I hoped she'd be just as pleased to answer the questions I had piling up in my head about what the hell had been going on while I was gone.

"Of course not. Who in their right mind keeps kitchen utensils in their kitchen drawers? I should have known," I teased as I popped open the now more warm than cold beer that I had really lost interest in. Bella grabbed a Diet Coke and hopped up on the counter in front of me. She took a sip and placed the soda on the counter next to her.

"When do we have to be at your parents'?" She knew very well that we were expected at six sharp.

"The usual time." She got a twinkle in her eye. The one that said, "Oooh, the clock over your left shoulder says that we have just under an hour to fool around before we have to make ourselves presentable and rush to your parents' for family dinner!" I really fucking loved that twinkle. I returned her twinkle with an eyebrow waggle, because my eyebrows were sex personified (or so I've been told). They ranked second only to the mop of sex hair perched just north of them. (Bella's terminology, not mine.) She saw my waggle and upped the ante by raking her fingers through my afore mentioned sex hair and pulling my mouth to cover hers. I shifted to stand between her knees; she kissed me with such fervor that it was clear we were going to be there for a little while and I wanted to be as thorough as possible. Sure, I still had questions, but I'm a mere mortal man, you wave sex-- or the possibility of something resembling sex-- in front of us and we're happy to postpone anything that doesn't involve National Security or playoff games for professional sports. As far as I was concerned, my questions would still be there after I got some nookie. Bella's revved up libido, however, was less likely to hang around while I got my answers. So I went with the sex.

There's no better feeling than Bella's touch, her skin sliding over my own, the tingle that remains there in the wake of her fingers-- or better still, her tongue. And she chose that moment to remind me of that fact. Her tongue forged slick trails down along my neck, pausing only to pepper its path with open-mouth kisses that served as mile markers on the journey to ecstasy. My head rolled back on my shoulders, granting her better access to bare skin. She barely slowed when she reached the barricade of my collar, simply tugging it out of her way and continuing. While her tongue worked its way south, her hands were busy paving a northbound lane up under my shirt along my torso, working in tandem to meet some magical place in the middle.

"Off," she tugged at my shirt. The order registered somewhere in my sex-haze filled brain and I complied, pulling the offending article over my head. Not one for missing out on the fun, I relieved her of her shirt as well. It joined mine in a neat little pile that I had high hopes would be growing steadily bigger. I may or may not have moaned like a little bitch when she paid extra special attention to each of my nipples. Again, not one to be outdone, I pulled off her bra and ran my hands over every inch of her soft, bare skin, teasing and pinching at her taught peaks. My name tumbled from her lips in a breathy whisper. She panted against my skin, pushing me closer to insanity with each hot breath.

"Damn, Bella! Reunion sex is almost as good as make-up sex!" I grabbed her hips pulling her closer to the edge of the counter and my straining erection.

"Ugh, the past few days have been hell, Edward." Those long legs wrapped around me and she ground her hips, rubbing her the heat of her arousal against the hard proof of my own, seeking friction to ease the tension we both felt. "I hate being that far away from you. There ought to be a law against us being nearly a thousand miles apart."

Whoa! A thousand miles? Since when was Tallahassee a thousand miles from Jax? And when was she planning on telling me that I wasn't the only one who had made a little trip this weekend?

Her blunder just confirmed what I'd found in the drawer: Bella had been out of town while I was gone, but the "why" eluded me-- for about fifteen seconds. Then I remembered her telling me about the phone call she'd received inviting her to come to NYC. The haze in my head instantly cleared, and I focused on the questions rolling around. I gripped her by the shoulders and pulled back from the fantastically sinful things she was doing to me with her mouth and hands and... heat. It took her a moment to catch on that I was taking a detour from the brown chicken, brown cow reunion sex that was trying to play out on her kitchen counter. When she did, though, the confused look on her face was all the confirmation I needed that she hadn't planned on telling me anytime soon. If at all. I searched her eyes hoping that she'd have answers I'd want to hear. I needed to find out what the fuck went down in the forty-eight hours that I'd been gone. Maybe I hoped she had a sick aunt that she had rushed to see. I'd never heard that she had any aunt, much less one that lived in NYC. Maybe I hoped that she would grin at me at tell me that she had flown up the coast to pick up a rare, one of a kind double bound 1968 Rickenbacker vintage guitar to surprise me with. It was a shot in the dark, but a hell of a lot better than the alternative. But she just sat there, looking at me like I was the one who was losing his mind. I took a deep breath a stepped back just far enough to be able to look at her without crossing my eyes.

"Bella," I started, "I feel like you have something you need to tell me." I hated that, even to my own ears, I sounded like I was using the "dad" voice. She was a grown woman, and free to go wherever she damn well pleased, but she was hiding something from me, and I wanted to hear it from her. Directly.

"Edward, you're right, I do have something I need to tell you..."

I knew it! I wanted to shout those three words and fist pump the air in triumph that my "Spidey Senses" had been right on the money.

"I need to tell you that you need to get your sexy ass back over here so I can finish doing dirty, unspeakable things to it."

Okay, that's so not what I was expecting her to say. But, fuck! That was sexy as hell! I had to shake off the haze that was creeping its way back into the folds of my cerebral cortex and threatening to drag me under into a sexual fuzz. Focus, Cullen!

From that very first moment in Bella's classroom all those months ago, I knew the hold this woman could have on me. I'd been powerless against her even then; it only made sense that I was much less capable of resisting her after knowing what she had to offer. Not to mention that every fiber of my being cried out to connect with her every moment of every day. Having to deny that need, especially with her that close, was damn near impossible. But somehow I did the impossible.

"That's not what I meant, Bella, and you know it," I stated in a level voice. Rather then dragging the situation out with a game of cat and mouse I simply reached to the drawer next to us and pulled it open just enough to retrieve the ticket. "What is this?" I asked nicely, I swear it. I didn't growl, I didn't demand, I simply... asked.

"I think it's obvious what it is, Edward. It's a boarding pass," she answered in an equally calm voice.

"Yes, I can see that, Bella, but can you tell me a little more about it?" Getting a straight answer out of her was like pulling teeth sometimes!

She sighed deeply, like the weight of the world was resting on her shoulders. Looking down at her hands she asked quietly, "Can we not do this right now? I really don't want to have this conversation before we have to be around your family the rest of the evening. I want to discuss this, just not this minute." Her voice pleaded with me to let the issue drop, but I just couldn't.

"Well, Bella, I really don't want to go hang out with family and have this hanging over us. I won't be able to think about anything else all night. Just tell me what the hell is going on and we can discuss it in more detail later, if that's what you want."

"Believe me," she scoffed, hopping down to retrieve her shirt, "you'll still be brooding over this all night anyway, so what's the point in doing this more than once?"

"Just tell me why you were in New York this weekend. The rest of the details can wait for later." I watched as she slipped her shirt over her head.

"No they won't, because you won't let them. You're just going to want more information, and some of it I'm not ready to give you yet. I swear I was planning on telling you all about this weekend, but I needed some time to get a few things worked out first. Can you just trust me, please?"

"I do trust you, Bella. I just don't understand all the secrecy and the sneaking around. Is it another guy?" Her head shot up and a look of disbelief shadowed her face. I regretted the question before I even finished asking it, because I already knew the answer, but I had to be sure.

"Of course not," she cried, "How could you even ask such a thing?"

"Then is something wrong? Is someone sick, are you sick, Bella? Because if you are then I will do everything in my power to make sure--"

"No, sweetie, I'm not ill," her tone softened and reassured me. "Everyone is fine, I promise." With a deep sigh she resigned. "Fuck, I guess getting this over with now is better than you coming up with all these obscure possibilities." She took my hand and led me into the family room where the mutt still lay in front of the fire. We settled on the couch next to each other, and she turned to face me. "I went to New York this weekend while you were gone."

"Yeah, I kinda got that idea from the boarding pass," I thought I'd said that with humor, but the furrow in her forehead told me that there might have been more smart ass than humor. "Sorry. You were saying?"

"I wanted to actually tell you, to say the words. I'm not hiding anything from you, Edward. I fully intended on telling you all about this weekend."

"Really? When, Bella? At dinner with my family? After we came home? Next month?" Sarcasm tinted my words, making me sound a bit like a prick. I was trying to stay calm, but the more I thought about it the more upset I got. Bella took a deep breath; knowing Bella it was an attempt to keep her cool and not lash out at my outburst.

"Tonight. I was going to ask about your trip and then tell you about going to the city. Can I just explain without you interrupting? Things will make sense and you might not end up looking like an ass when this whole conversation is over." I bristled at her candor, but the no nonsense look she gave me told me I was jumping to conclusions and well on my way to perfecting my impression of a jack ass. I nodded for her to continue.

"We talked in Savannah, albeit briefly, about the invitation I received to join the NYC Philharmonic. I know I said I wasn't interested, but honestly, Edward, I hadn't even had a moment to really think that through. I simply responded to your reaction over the possibility that I might accept. In the past few weeks I've thought about it more, and after talking to my Mom and Phil I realized that simply dismissing it wasn't the solution. I owed it to myself and to NYPO to hear them out and see what it was they were actually proposing."

"What, so you jumped on a plane the first chance you got the moment I left town?" My rational side was starting to check out, my natural inclination to assery taking over. I could feel the air thicken around us, just like it does right before a storm.

"It wasn't like that at all, Edward!"

"It sure looks that way, Bella. You haven't mentioned this since Savannah. I assumed this was settled."

"Settled? It was never even considered. As far as you were concerned, it was nonnegotiable. Not going to happen. Not an option. It wasn't as if I could talk about this with you even if I'd tried. Judging by the way you reacted last time, it was clear that you would have never been open to having this discussion; much less be unbiased enough to talk about it seriously. So I went and talked to my family. I didn't purposely keep my going a secret, it just all kind of happened so quickly. I planned on telling you, and then you had to go to Tallahassee that same weekend. Then I just figured we'd talk when you got back. It wasn't my brightest moment, but there was nothing malicious or underhanded about it."

"You knew before I left," It wasn't a question, merely me stating a fact. "You knew, but didn't say a word. Did my family know?" I now worried that I was the only one who was out of the loop.

"No, only my Mom and Phil."

"So, it was a secret." And I hated secrets. More than anything, I hated secrets. They tore people apart, broke trust, destroyed families. I felt like I was reliving the Jessica shit all over again. Even though I knew Bella was nothing like Jessica, I couldn't stop the fear and feelings of helplessness from washing over me in waves.

"Dammit, Edward, my going to New York wasn't some big, bad secret I was keeping from you! I'm not some conniving bitch trying to keep you at arm's length! This is something I've been struggling with, and when the opportunity came up for me to find some resolution, I took it. I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was going, and I'm sorry that I didn't involve you in the decision, but you didn't seem too keen on the very idea, much less willing to talk about it rationally."

"Don't put this on me, Bella. If you'd have just come to me and told me what you were thinking then we could have talked--"

"That's bullshit, Edward, and you know it. Can you honestly say that if I had admitted to you that the New York thing held even a modicum of interest for me that you wouldn't have blown your gasket?"

"You make me sound unreasonable," I accused.

"Only when it comes to certain things, Edward. The possibility of the people you love leaving is one of those things. But that's beside the point. This was my decision to make. I needed to think it through and decide if it was even something I wanted to bring up, because I knew it would be a huge decision for all of us. Why go through all of the debating if I wasn't even sure New York was something I might want? So I went. I went to New York to see what they were offering and what they were requiring. I am sorry that I went without telling you first. I regret that, but I don't regret going. I needed to go. Now I know that New York is something we need to talk about. They've offered me a trial position with the orchestra for the summer with the option to extend my stay if it all works out."

"It sounds to me like you've already made up your mind."

"No, not at all. I'd never do that without you. Edward, so many times... more times than I can count, I tried to bring this up with you. Each time I would think about your reaction at the museum and lose my resolve. Because it kills me to see you upset or hurt, and I knew that having this discussion would be difficult. But we are both grownups, and we need to talk about it like the adults we are. I can't protect you from every hurt, and I need you to help me make the right decision. "

"Don't go. That's the right decision, Bella. You have a life here. A wonderful life, and you are a fool if you walk away from that."

"See? This is what I was talking about. You don't want to talk, or listen. You just want what you want. Aren't you even curious about what I'm thinking? What my reasons are for wanting this gig?"

"What I'm curious about is how you could just walk away and not look back." As far as I was concerned, it was Jessica all over again, and all I could think about is how I'd sworn I'd never let this happen to Masen again.

"What? Walk away? Who said anything about walking away, Edward? I wouldn't be leaving you. I'm not going anywhere, at least not as far as this relationship is concerned. Are you saying that if I took the job then we would be finished?"

That was exactly what I was saying. I wouldn't let another person put me or Masen second again. She couldn't have her cake and eat it, too.

"How exactly do you expect us to continue if you’re a thousand miles away, Bella? How can you be a part of our lives if you're not here? Masen deserves better than that! And if you can just up and move so you can chase some dream, then you're no better then Jessica!" I stood and paced, no longer able to contain all the nervous energy building in me.

"I am NOT Jessica, Edward!" Bella jumped up, enraged, "How dare you compare me to that bitch! I love that boy, and I love you! I can't believe you're reacting this way! I can understand that you're pissed that I didn't tell you that I was going to New York, but this is ridiculous. I'm not her. I don't want out. I want you and I know you want me, too. But for some reason you're freaking out!"

"Love? You have a funny way of showing it. I'm 'freaking out' because you're keeping secrets from me, Bella! You're sneaking around, making plans without me; of course I'd think that you don't want us anymore. What else don't I know about?"

"Oh, please, this is getting ridiculous!" She threw her hands in the air and moved across the room. It felt like she was on the other side of the continent. "Remember earlier when I insinuated that you were unreasonable? Well, I'd like to thank you for proving my point, Edward. I'm trying to talk to you about this, but all you can do is blow up and throw around ultimatums. I'm not a child. I am a grown woman who is more than capable of making rational decisions for herself. I've been doing it for years now with no help from you. You haven't once asked what my reasons are for considering this possibility, and by the way, that's all I've done so far, considered it. I've collected the information necessary for me to make an informed, rational decision, but I have not made one yet. I had hoped to talk it over with the man I love and come to some kind of decision that was best for all of us. Instead I'm sitting here, arguing with a mad man and defending my love for him and his son. THIS is why I waited to tell you. This is why I haven't been exactly up front with you. I'd like to thank you for making what was already going to be a difficult conversation absolutely fucking miserable."

"So this is my fault now? You're the one keeping secrets, but I'm the irrational one," I scoffed. She had some nerve.

"Edward... I'm not doing this. I'm exhausted, we both are, and you're not being rational."

I tried to argue, but the phone in my pocket buzzed. I fished it out-- Emmett.

Where the fuck are you guys? I'm starving! Stop sucking face and get your asses over here before Mom has a coronary!

I wasn't about to relay that message. I opted to edit instead, "Emmett says Mom is holding dinner for us..."

"Just go. I've lost my appetite. Tell Esme that I'm sorry that I missed dinner." She turned her back to me and faced the fire, staring as if it held the answers to all of our problems.

"Bella, I really think we need to finish this..."

"Not right now, Edward. Just, please go before we say anything else that neither of us means. Call me later, once you've calmed down and you're really ready to talk."

"Alright." It was lame, but it was all I could manage. As I heard the door click closed behind me I thought of a thousand different things I could have said to her. Seemingly, one for every mile between New York, New York and Ponte Vedra Beach, Florida. But driving away I realized there was one I needed to say more than any of them. I sent her a text:

I love you. ~E

I know. Be safe. ~B

~oOo~

Chapter 19 Chapter 21