~oOo~
Tuesday PM
My first lesson with Masen was over, and I’d be damned if the kid didn’t blow me away, once again. This kid was a once in a lifetime thing. I doubted if I’d ever come across talent like his again. I was in awe each time he sat behind a piano. It was truly his “voice”.
I had picked a few challenging pieces for Masen to work on, and knew that he would have them mastered by our next lesson on Thursday.
Thursday. Edward. Back at my place on Thursday. Nice thought.
But that’s all it could be was a thought. After our amazing night together on Sunday, I awoke feeling something I hadn’t felt in a very long time. Safe. At home. And Edward had made me feel that way. I hoped I never forgot the feeling I had that first morning I woke up beside Edward Cullen.
~oOo~
Monday AM
The sun was streaming in through the window behind me; I could feel it warming my bare back and the cool of the sheet resting over my hips. Slowly I remembered that I should not be alone on this morning, that there should be the most amazingly hot man lying alongside me. I turned my head slowly to see if he was there, or if it was all a dream. There he was, facing me on his side; the sun behind him encircling him like a halo.
I giggled at the imagery of Edward Cullen glowing and angelic; complete with potty mouth. Almost as if he could hear what I was thinking, he murmured a quiet “Fuck!” under his breath, and his hand gently brushed a stray lock of hair from my face. I smiled at the god-like man in my bed and answered him the only way I could think to.
“Um, sure, if you’re offering, that is...”
His deep laughter resounded in the room, and his hand trailed down over my shoulder, onto my back where he traced something methodically on the skin there. His fingers continued to trace from my shoulder to my hip, repeating the pattern over and over again; it was cathartic, and I never wanted him to stop. I felt as though the world could come apart around us, but Edward and I would remain untouched.
Surprisingly I wasn’t concerned that it had only been a few short days of knowing this man before this coming to this realization. Somewhere in me I knew that this is where our hearts belonged. Together.
Edward cleared his throat before speaking.
“Bella, love, while I would love to spend the rest of the day laying in bed next to you, doing amazing things to that fuckhot body of yours, I’m afraid I have to eventually make an appearance at the shop and collect my son at some point. Besides, you must be getting hungry.”
We reluctantly clamored out of bed and made our way to my shower where we shared the heat of the water and a shower puff. I had expected him to tease me about the fluffy goodness, but he never commented on it. Turned out he had one himself, only in a "manly grey". The thought of my biker man regularly bathing with a puff made me giggle, and Edward demanded to know what was so fucking funny. He must have thought I was laughing at his manhood, because he started rambling on about something to do with “objects in the shower are larger than they appear”.
“What are you talking about, Edward?”
“What are you laughing about, Bella?”
“Nothing.”
“Tell me or I’ll tickle you again. This time I’ll have no mercy...”
“Fine! I just was imagining you using a shower puff, that’s all!”
“Hon, you don’t have to imagine me using one, turn around and I’ll use one on you.”
I giggled again as he turned me to wash my back. I returned the favor, taking note of the images that covered his back and shoulders.
“Hey, baby?”
“I love it when you call me that.”
I smiled at his admission and pressed a kiss onto an eighth note that spotted his shoulder blade. Across his back on the other shoulder was a compass, pointing due north. I had already seen the logo for Eclipse Choppers on his right bicep, and his arms were sleeved with tribal tattoos mixed with other symbols. I ached to know what had compelled him to mark his skin with these specific images.
“Will you tell me what all these tats represent someday? I mean, if its not too personal.”
He turned to face me, his hands covering my hips and pulling me to him under the stream of warm water.
“Bella, after all I have done to this body, you worry that asking me to tell you about the ink on my body is too personal? I’d be happy to tell you anything you want to know about my tats, or my life. I realize we’re doing this a tad backwards, but I want, no- I need you to know that this is more than amazing sex.”
“Fucking amazing sex, Mr. Cullen. I believe those were the words you used last night.”
He snickered and planted a firm kiss on my lips.
“Yes, Ms. Swan, I did use those exact words. You are fucking amazing. Have I told you that?”
“More or less.”
“Well, let’s finish up in here so I can tell you some more...”
We finished up showering and toweled each other off. Edward’s back pack was still downstairs from when he arrived the night before, so I slipped into my robe and padded down stairs to retrieve it for him and let Darcy out for break. I put on a pot of coffee while I waited for the mutt to signal that he was ready to be let back in.
I carried Edward’s bag up to him and asked how he took his coffee. It shouldn’t have surprised me that he liked it black. I got dressed quickly in a pair of jeans and a Florida Gators tank top. My hair was easily pulled into a ponytail. I didn’t have any plans except to visit my parents, so there was little need to primp.
Edward emerged from the bathroom in cargo shorts and a black tank top that sported the Eclipse logo in white. He ran his hand through his hair absentmindedly as he took in what I was wearing.
“Florida, huh? Nice. I see you were listening when we were talking last night and I mentioned my alma mater."
I handed him the cup of coffee I had made him while he was dressing and took a sip of my own. I was listening for the timer on the oven.
“I thought it was a nice touch, and I always listen when you're talking. You’re voice is just so damn sexy, I can’t help but listen. Let’s go see if we can find something for breakfast.”
Edward inhaled deeply as we came down the stairs. I had also thrown some cinnamon buns in to bake while I was making the coffee. The scent wafted through the air to us. He followed me in the kitchen and laughed when he saw Darcy sitting in front of the oven door, staring and drooling at the rising baked goods.
“I guess he likes cinnamon buns?”
Mr. Darcy turned his head to look at Edward when he heard his voice. He looked back and forth between the man and the buns. His curiosity got the best of him and he pulled himself up and walked over to sniff Edward, who stood perfectly still while Darcy sniffed first his hand and then, to my horror, his crotch. Edward jumped back reflexively and put one hand over his junk and the other out to the beast’s muzzle to prevent a repeat of the crotch sniffage.
“Whoa, Mr. D! That’s not how I roll, big guy! Ask your mom, I likey the girls. The human girls. Sorry, dude.”
We both laughed at the bizarre moment and the dog just huffed at both of us. Satisfied that Edward was not a threat, Mr. Darcy returned to his post in front of the oven to await the buzzer.
I pulled out some fresh fruit, granola, and vanilla yogurt: my favorite breakfast. Edward passed on the yogurt, but agreed to the fruit and cinnamon buns once they were ready. The buzzer sounded just then, and Darcy stood up and barked at me, as if I hadn’t heard the annoying sound.
Both man and beast’s eyes followed every move I made as I put the buns on the counter to ice them and let them cool a bit. I felt like I circus side show.
“Edward, are you watching me like a hawk because of the cinnamon buns or because you’re watching my buns when I bend over?”
“Hummmm, both?”
“Well, you have to wait a few on the cinnamon buns, but as for mine...”
I walked over to the bar stool he sat perched on, and leaned against him, my palms flat on his muscular chest and I reached up to kiss him. His hands snaked around and palmed my ass, giving it a firm squeeze.
“Hmmmm, these are the buns I really wanted, though the other ones smell amazing!”
He kissed me again, this time a little more deeply; the sensation of his stubble on my smooth skin caused me to moan into his open mouth.
“Bella, if you keep that up, we won’t be eating any cinnabuns.”
Edward playfully smacked my rear and I pushed away from him, knowing that we shouldn’t start anything we couldn’t finish. That thought reminded me that I wanted to talk to him about something that had come to me when he was getting dressed. I needed to talk about where he saw us going from here. I wasn’t looking for declarations of undying love; I just wanted to know if we were on the same page. Hell, I knew we were attracted to each other, that was obvious, but was that all it was for him? I knew he had said otherwise, but did he mean it? I placed two cinnamon buns on a plate with some fruit and passed it to Edward. I leaned across the counter closer to him, just within reach of his fingertips.
“Um, Edward? Can we talk about something?”
“Sure, sweets. What’s on your mind?”
He took a bite of the sticky bun and moaned as he did.
“These are the best damn things I have eaten in like, fucking forever.”
I laughed at the fact that he found such deep satisfaction in canned pastry and at how he could work an expletive into each and every damn sentence that came from his lips. I really liked that about him. I really liked a lot of things about this man, but there were so many things that I still didn’t know about him. And that was what my real problem was.
“Uh, thanks, I’ll tell the Pillsbury Dough Boy that you approve of the recipe. The simplest things seem to make you happy.”
“You’re right, they do.”
“Well, what else makes you happy?”
“What do you mean, love?”
“I guess what I’m trying to say is that, while we know that we have, um, chemistry, we really don’t know much else about each other. There’s so much I’d like to know about you, that I feel like I should know about you normally, if we were at this point in a ‘relationship.’ Do you know what I mean?”
He reached for my hand, and pulled it across the countertop towards him. With a gentle touch he spread my hand open and, bringing it to his lips, pressed a kiss onto my palm.
“I think I do, Bella. You’re thinking that we are moving a little fast here, and I don’t blame you. You want to really talk about this?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Then, let’s go somewhere more comfortable and do just that, hon.”
He never let go of my hand, almost as if it were a lifeline between us, and led me to the couch in the living room. The French doors were open and a cross breeze blew softly through the room. Edward sat and pulled me down next to him. I curled into his side, pulling my feet up under me. Mr. Darcy, not one to be left out of anything, hopped up next to me and made himself comfortable, laying his head across my lap with a huff.
I smiled at Edward and he kissed my palm again before placing a sweet kiss on my forehead and then my lips.
“Talk to me, love. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. I know its only been a few short days, but I’m more invested in this than you might think.”
He must have read my mind, because that was exactly why I was nervous about talking with him. Was it too soon to be having deep discussions? Was I reading into “us” too much? Would he run if I told him what I was really thinking? But
Edward quelled all those fears in a few short sentences. I felt completely at ease saying what I was about to say.
“I know that we have literally known each other a total two and a half days-”
“Actually, it’s been exactly two days and twenty- one hours.”
“Um, okay... not that we’re frigging counting or anything. Like I was saying, we haven’t known each other long enough to be considered acquaintances, much less lovers. Yet, here we are. I don’t want you to have the wrong impression of me. I'm not a whore. I do not sleep around. You are only the third person I’ve had sex with, not that I’ve been an nun, mind you, but your peen is one of a select few who have seen the “promised land” so to speak.”
Edward snickered when he heard my nickname for my girlie bits.
“Bella, I don’t think you are a whore, in fact I respect you more than you could know, and I hope you don’t think that I’m just after a fine piece of ass. I’m not sure exactly what this is,” he gestured to the space between us, “but I really want to find out. I believe that it is, or at the very least, could be something amazing. I’m willing to try and see. Are you?”
With two, tiny words, Edward had managed to voice the one, most important point I had wanted to make. Those words were the whole point of this painfully awkward conversation. I decided to take my cue from him and keep it short and sweet. We could work through the details later.
“Yes. I am.”
“Okay. That settles it. We are officially going to see where this road takes us. But that’s not all that’s bothering you, hon. I can see it in your eyes. What else do you need to talk about, Bella?”
“Ah, well. The sex...”
“The sex? What? Is it not good?”
“Oh, fuck no! It’s the best I’ve ever had-”
“The BEST? Really? Wow...You sure know how to stroke a guy's ego.”
“Focus, Cullen. Yes, you are the best lay I have ever had. I don’t know how flattering that is, seeing as I just admitted that you are only the third man that I’ve slept with, but anyway... the point is, when I’m with you all I can think about is getting my hands on you, and your clothes off of you... If we’re gonna try to make this work I need to be able to have a conversation with you, with my clothes on. In other words-”
“You are calling a sexbargo.”
“Huh?”
“A sexbargo. No more sex.”
“Um, yeah. For a little while, at least. Just until we have some time to establish more than the physical connection we seem to so easily have.”
I expected him to argue, throw a fit, beg, but never did I expect his actual reaction.
“I agree. I say we both call a sexbargo. There’s more I want to know about you, too, Bella, and it’s really hard to fucking concentrate when you’re naked.”
“So. What do you suggest we do with all this newfound free time we’ll have now that we aren’t going to be trying to get into each other’s pants?”
“Oh, I never said I was going to stop trying to get in your pants, Bella. No way. I just said that I’d hold off having fuckhot sex with you. There’s a difference.”
I cleared my throat at his admission. This man could drive me crazy with his words alone; even if he never touched me again he could send me shuddering over the edge. I shivered as a memory from the night before moved through my stream of consciousness. He definitely had a delicious way with words.
“Touché. There is indeed a difference. I believe we should find something to occupy our time with before this becomes a game of cat and mouse. I could sit here all day teasing you and having you tease me, but that would only serve to work us both into a tizzy. It doesn't take much to get us hot and bothered; I'm surprised we haven't burst into flames at this point. So how about we finish the tour? You didn’t see the first floor last night. Are you interested?”
“Garages, engines, cycles, and the chance to watch you walk down the stairs? You bet I’m interested!”
I made a mental note to check the fire extinguishers I had stashed around the house. I had a feeling we were gonna need them in the coming weeks with all the friction and heat we could generate. I playfully smacked the shoulder I was curled against, and his hand cupped the back of my head; pulling me in for a sweet, lingering kiss. I stood and held out my hand, which he eagerly took. I led him to the stairs, hidden behind a white door.
I flipped on the lights as I walked down the staircase, but they weren’t necessary- there were plenty of windows down here as well. Edward stopped on the second stair from the bottom. I may not have noticed had I not been holding his hand.
“What, babe?”
“You have two bikes.”
It wasn't a question, but a statement, and his voice held a hint of awe.
“Yeah, I do. One is my old one; she was my first, and I can’t bear to part with her.”
He walked over to the Harley and ran his hand along the leather seat, raising an eyebrow to me when his hand met the paint.
“Pink? You have a pink Hog? I didn’t even think they made this color! And, it sparkles!”
“Yes, pink. And Harley Davidson will paint a bike any fucking color you want if you pay them enough. But to be honest, it’s more red than pink, smart ass.”
Edward laughed and pulled me to him, resting his hands lightly on my hips.
“No, this is definitely pink, love, and it’s really fucking cute, too. I just never figured you for a ‘pink’ girl.”
“I believe that we’ve established that there’s a lot that you don’t know about me.”
“Yet.”
“Yet, that’s correct.”
He was looking past my shoulder, over at the other two examples of my extravagant tastes in vehicles; to the Porsche and Mercedes that were parked a few feet away.
“Nice, Bella. You have excellent taste in vehicles. The only thing missing is an Eclipse Chopper, but everything in due time... “
I snickered against his chest and pulled him toward the “play room”.
His jaw dropped when I opened the door.
“What is this wonderland?”
“Um, a game room?”
I watched as he slowly circled the large open space. He dragged his hand along the felt of the pool table and looked back at me.
“I guess you’re a UF fan, huh?”
He gestured from my shirt to the University of Florida logo that was emblazoned across the blue felt of the table. The entire room was decorated almost like a shrine to my favorite college team.
“Yeah, I am. I had always wanted to go to school there, but then, when I moved to Forks to be with my Dad, it just seemed like the better decision to stay close to him. I felt we needed more time together. It was a good choice, but I still wish that I’d gone to UF. Oh, well. Can’t change the past, right?”
“Yeah, you’re right about that. There’s plenty I’d change if that were the case.”
“Really? Like what?”
He shifted his weight and leaned back against the table rim, pulling me to him. The contact of his hands on my body sent my heart racing. I loved the feel of him close to me. His voice was hushed and serious as he spoke.
“We all have things we’d do differently, Bella. My biggest mistake was my marriage to Masen’s mother, Jessica. Sure, she gave me Masen, but we should have never gotten married. We were way too young and wanted totally different things. Like you said, though, you can’t change the past.”
“No, but you can affect the future.”
I stood on my toes and pressed a kiss along his scruffy jaw. His arm encircled my waist and his lips found mine. It wasn’t long before we were lost in the feel of each other. Lips, chests, hips: pressed together. Edward broke our contact, clearing his throat and running his hand through his hair.
“Wow, that’s quite a flat screen T.V. Does it have a gaming system attached to it?”
“Nice, segue, Cullen, and yes, it does. An XBox 360, to be exact.”
I moved towards the walk in closet to the left of the T.V. that housed all the games and electronic components for the entertainment unit.
“Man, that is so fucking hot!" He grabbed my ass before giving it a firm smack. He surprised me by the gesture and I cried out.
"Are you referring to the system or my ass?"
I gaped at him, expecting an explanation. I got none. Instead, he asked, “You have the latest Madden? Then I’d say that you are about to get you hot ass kicked by your boyfriend! You ready for this?”
He gestured to himself.
‘Boyfriend?' I chose to let that one slide. I’d call him on it later.
“I was born ready, Edward. Bring it.”
~oOo~
Tuesday PM
I drove down into the parking garage as Edward had instructed me. It had taken me exactly seven minutes to reach his condo complex. It was beach side, and recently built and beautifully designed. I had taken notice of the water park worthy pool area as I pulled in. This place had every amenity.
I easily found Edward’s chopper parked near the elevator and slid into the space next to it reserved for his visitors. I climbed out of my Porsche, grabbing my briefcase as I slid off the cream colored leather seats. I had taken great care in choosing the songs I wanted to work on with Masen. I wanted them to be challenging, but not frustratingly so. At least not in our first week working together.
It was a short elevator ride up to the third floor. I paused in front of Edward’s door, suddenly nervous. Should I have dressed better than a pair of shorts and a cheesy top? Should I even be at his house considering our newly titled relationship? It was hard to believe that it had been less than a day since I’d seen him last and he’d teased me and called me his girlfriend. It was amazing what a difference a day could make.
I took a deep breath and shoved down all the second and third thoughts I was having and simply knocked. Almost immediately he was at the door. It swung open and there he stood. Real, warm, and so beautiful. I searched his face for some clue as to what he could be thinking, but his eyes were in constant motion, moving up and down my frame, taking me in. A smirk crossed his face when he registered what my t-shirt read. It was a play on words. My girlfriends and I had them made when we were seniors in high school. "I get wet in Forks, WA" was a nod to the near constant rainfall in the small town, but to pervy teens it had an altogether different meaning. I had a few dozen of these left over from when the entire school had seen our few examples and had all wanted their own. The ones that I had stashed in a box in the back of my closet were all that remained. The funniest part was the last time I'd been to visit Charlie, my dad, I'd seen an older, white haired woman wearing one of the tank tops. I wondered where the hell she'd gotten it from and if I should inform her of its other meaning, but decided against it.
I was a little surprised when I found my back pressed to his front door with his lips hungry on mine and his hand rubbing against the wet heat between my legs, but I wasn't one to complain, and I wasn't about to start now. Reluctantly, I conceded to his reasoning that we couldn't possibly continue like this- Masen was bound to come in and find us in this compromising position. Then we'd have some real explaining to do, with no explanation to give. Not to mention that we had called a mutual "sexbargo" just yesterday. All this pawing and panting, while not breaking it, was defiantly pushing the boundaries. There was only one place to go from here: bliss, ecstasy, the land of rainbows and unicorns; AKA Edward's bed. I was both relieved and disappointed when he reminded me that this had been my idea to begin with. I loved that he supported and agreed with me, though. Loved. There was that word again. It seemed to be popping up more and more when I thought of this man. I reminded myself that it was way too damn soon to be throwing that word around, if only in my head.
Edward headed off to collect Masen as I settled in at the piano. It was remarkably like mine. My piano at home was the first thing I bought after I purchased the house. It was my dream instrument. When I had lived with Renee and Phil as a young girl we had a beautiful standing player piano. It would record as you played, burning it onto a disk. The piano would then play itself back to you which was very helpful when you were composing a complicated piece. Later, when I was sixteen and moved to Forks with Charlie, I had an old, worn, but well tuned standing Zimmermann. It did its job, but the instrument I purchased when I moved back to Florida was the Rolls Royce of pianos, and it was my pride and joy. I didn't even have a bed when it was delivered. That night I slept beneath it in a sleeping bag on an air mattress. Mr. Darcy was just a tiny puppy, and we curled up together under the belly of the baby grand. That night, and for a few after it, I'd dreamt of symphonies and opuses.
Masen practically ran to me, throwing his arms around my waist and hugging me tightly. At nine years old he was mature in so many ways that it was easy to forget how young he really was. I loved these moments. This age was old enough to begin to seriously focus on honing their talents, but still young enough to want hugs and reassurance.
They're little psyches are so vulnerable and fragile at this age. Hell, I was his age when...
I pushed that thought violently to the back of my mind. I couldn't think about nine year old Bella right now. I'd be a mess and then I'd have to explain that very painful portion of my past to Edward. I was positive that he wasn't ready to handle that fraction of me yet. Part of me wondered if he would ever be ready, or if I would ever be ready to share it with him, for that matter.
Masen's chatter brought me out of my dark haze and reminded me of why I was here.
"Hey there. Masen! How has your afternoon been?"
"Oh. Fine. I went to the shop after school, like usual. I did get all of my homework done, though."
"And you cleaned your room." Edward's deep voice made its way into our conversation.
"Dad! You don't have to tell her every little detail of my life! Geesh."
"Oh, sorry, Masen. Is there anything you two need? I'm going to get out of your way now. Just yell if you need anything..."
I thanked him, and Masen and I settled in for our lesson. I couldn't help watching Edward leave the room. He looked just as good going as he did coming.
Damn.
I turned my attention to the little guy who looked and acted so much like his father. I decided to tease Edward just a few moments more from another room.
"I can't wait to see which songs you brought with you, Ms. S!"
“We’ll see how excited you are after the first lesson, little man. You may not be quite so happy with me afterwards. I’m pretty demanding of my private students.”
“Oh, I’m ready; besides, I already know you’re tough from school. How bad could it be?”
“You are so on, buster! You’re gonna be crying like a little baby by the time this lesson is over!”
He snickered and asked what was first.
"Masen, would you play a little Debussy for me; to warm up? Maybe Clair de Lune?"
"Sure, Ms. Swan, but I thought you said that Clair de Lune was for amateurs?"
"It is, Masen. We're just going to warm up with it. You take the bottom notes and I'll take the top. Ready?"
We played side by side for a few bars before we heard Edward's laughter carry in through the open doors to the balcony.
“We thought you’d like that one!”
Once we were warmed up, I introduced Masen to a piece I was certain he'd never seen or heard. It was beautiful and rather challenging. I knew this kid could handle it, though. “Le Petit Negre”, another Debussy, was sweet and fun. It would give him the chance to learn some new techniques and keep him occupied until Thursday. I had decided that I'd only introduce one new challenging song today, so as not to overwhelm him with the first lesson. I had also brought a piece by a modern artist. "Kiss the Rain" by Yiruma was simple, but beautiful. It required a good grasp on time signature and patience, not to mention mature emotional development. I would be surprised if Masen showed up at my place for his lesson on Thursday and these two pieces were anything but perfect. I knew this kid, and I knew what he was capable of. I found that I was just as excited as he was to be sharing this time together.
Masen was such a little gentleman when we were finished. He graciously walked me to the door and held it open as I left. I was disappointed that I wouldn't get to wish Edward a proper goodbye, but I couldn't very well stick my tongue down this throat and grab his ass in front of his son. I settled for a simple wave and, "See you later". It took everything in me to walk away from those two guys.
~oOo~
I couldn’t suppress the giggle that escaped as I stepped onto the elevator and the doors began to close behind me. I had just received a text from Edward, promising me that he’d be calling me later. Later couldn’t come soon enough. Inches before the doors to the elevator were about to shut, a hand thrust between them, forcing them to open again. I jumped and stepped further back into the elevator car. When the doors opened more I realized that it was Edward who had stopped the doors.
“Edward? What are you doing?”
The door slid closed, and he pulled me to him. He ignored my question as his mouth found mine, and he kissed me hungrily at first, then tenderly. All too soon he pulled back. Thankfully he kept his arms wrapped around me. A sigh escaped his chest and his forehead bent to mine.
“I couldn’t let you leave me like that. I had to tell you good-bye properly. May I walk you to your bike?
“Oh, I brought the Porsche. I need to stop at the store before I head home, and the bike’s not the most conducive to transporting groceries.”
We walked out of the elevator into the garage under his condo; he took my briefcase in one hand and wrapped the other around my waist.
“Which way did you park, hon?”
I gestured towards my blue sports car. Edward had openly admired it yesterday morning. He led me over with his hand in the small of my back.
"I really like that vehicle. You think I could drive it some time?"
"You can take it for a spin anytime, Edward. All you have to do is ask."
I waggled my eyebrows at him and he laughed at the ridiculous gesture.
"I believe I just did, hon."
We talked a little while longer by my car about when we might be able to see each other again. Edward had me pinned against the frame before too long. After several minutes of breathless kisses and exploring hands, the garage door rumbled open and a monstrous Hummer pulled into the garage and drove off to park. Edward pushed off from me and stood a respectable distance from me, but kept one hand resting against the hood of the Porsche. My hands, which were resting on his chest grabbed him by the waist of his pants and pulled him back towards me.
"I wasn't finished kissing you, Cullen."
"Well, I wasn't finished kissing you either, but that ridiculous show of machinery was my brother and his fiancé, so I think that we'll have to be finished- for now. Besides, Masen is bound to be wondering what took me so long. I told him I needed to get directions to your place for Thursday's lesson."
He ran his hand nervously through his hair and then placed it on my hip. Looking around and finally satisfied that no one was able to see, he leaned in for one last, sweet kiss. I opened my mouth to invite him to deepen the connection and he licked my lip, grazing my bottom teeth and the tip of his tongue in the process. I couldn't help the moan that escaped my chest, it almost rumbled there. Edward's hand tightened on my hip and jerked me to him roughly.
"Did you just fucking growl at me?"
"Not intentionally, but that was hot. If you keep that up the sexbargo won't survive past a twenty-four hour period. I'm gonna go before..."
"Yeah, that's a good idea. I'll call you later, Bella. Have a good evening."
"Oh, I will. I'll be thinking of all the things I want to learn about you so we can end this self-imposed celibacy. Not to mention all the things I want you to do with those hands of yours."
His hands slid around behind me and grabbed my ass, and mine did the same to his. It was meant to be more playful than seductive, but anytime this man's hands were on my body it was seductive.
"Bella, I know we said no sex, but I don't know if I can keep my hands off of you. We may need to renegotiate the terms of the sexbargo."
"Oh, no, mister! Don't start that with me right now! Go! You’re “girlfriend” needs to get to the store, and you need to get back to Masen before he starts cleaning and reorganizing the fridge!"
Edward chuckled at my sad attempt at a joke. He placed one more quick kiss on my lips and stepped back. The space the small movement created was small, mere inches, but it felt like a chasm. I could already feel the need to touch him again. I climbed into my car and he closed the door behind me. Eager to still be near him, I started the car and let the window down. Edward's heard popped in and kissed my cheek.
"I'll see you soon and talk to you tonight."
His promise did little to quell the sadness I could feel building.
"Okay. Talk to you soon, then. Bye, Edward."
"Bye, Bella,"
~oOo~
I made a quick trip to the store to get the things I needed for the week and headed home. By the time I had put away the groceries and tended to Mr. Darcy and Chaucer it was after eight p.m; way to damn late to be cooking. It wasn't my first choice, but I grabbed some of the left over lasagna from dinner with Edward two nights earlier. I had taken the majority of it to my Mom and Phil when I went and visited like I'd promised, but I still had a little left.
I stood near the microwave and waited for it to heat up. My mind wandered to the brief time I had spent with the two of them on Monday. I'd left not long after Edward had. It had been a beautiful day for a ride. I was looking forward to showing off my new bike and spending some real time on it for the first time. The ride to Jax Beach was about thirty minutes long, so I had a little time to think. I started out thinking about Edward and the time we'd spent together. I was genuinely surprised how at ease I was with Edward. For all intents and purposes, we were strangers, having only known each other a few short days, but I felt more connected to that man then I had felt to anyone in my life. Sure, I was close to Renee, but there had been things that I just couldn't, no- that I wouldn't share with her. I couldn't be the one to remind her and bring her more pain. No, I would just keep my memories to myself and share the happy shit with her. She was more comfortable with happy anyway.
Charlie had always been a warm and caring father, just not very good at conveying his feelings. I always knew that he loved me, despite everything, but I also knew that discussing our feelings was not an option. This was fine with me. During the time that I had lived with him, sharing my feelings was the last thing I had wanted to be doing. So, the arrangement worked well for the both of us.
I'd had a few close girlfriends in Forks; Angela and Leah were the two closest. We were inseparable. Charlie called us "The Three Musketeer-ets"; hell, he still did. From shopping, to boys, to dark secrets from the past; the "TMs" were as close as I had felt to this connection with Edward. It wasn't simply the sex with him. There was more, something deeper. For as close as I was to those two women, and as much as I had told them, I had not told them everything. When I was with Edward I felt an almost physical need to tell him everything. Past, present, and future. Tell him of long forgotten dreams. Tell him of reoccurring nightmares. Tell him of my hopes and desires for what was to come.
There hadn't been someone like that in my life in...
In eighteen years. Almost two decades...
The microwave beeped, alerting me to the hunger in my stomach and the ache in my heart. Had it really been almost twenty fucking years? Where had the time gone? I was distracted by my revelation, and forgot that the bowl would be hot. I reached in with my bare hands and pulled it out.
"Fuck! Fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck! Damn, that's hot!"
Darcy, who was sitting not far from me, looked at me and cocked his head to the side. Then he looked almost disappointed that I hadn't dropped the food on the floor.
"Sorry, big guy, this is my dinner. Yours is over there, in your bowl."
I picked up the bowl again, careful to use a dishtowel to insulate my hands from the heat this time, and carried it to the dinette table off the kitchen. Then I went and poured a glass of my favorite white wine and sat down to eat. My mind wandered back to where it was moments before.
Twenty years. More than four times her lifetime, and yet, my life continues almost as if hers never did.
That really wasn't true or fair. My life had ceased to "continue" the day her's ended. As I sat at the table in my kitchen, I allowed myself a rare moment to remember her. Really remember her. I couldn't let go this way often, it was just so hard to recover afterwards.
Beautiful. Bright blue eyes filled with wonder and awe. Bronze kissed ringlets that bounced when she giggled. Oh, the laugh. It could rival the songs of angels. Her smile, that even when I would get so very angry with over some childish argument or another, could melt my heart and cool my anger. Her hugs- how her tiny arms would wrap around my waist and squeeze my middle. The voice that would plead with me to play for her or sing her "our song".
"Sing it, please, Sissy. I can't sleep if you don't sing it for me. Pleeease?"
"Okay, Reese, but only once. I'm so tired and I can't stay up singing all night for you.
"The clouds will rage and the storms will race in,
but you will be safe, in my arms.
Rains will pour down,
waves will crash around,
but you will be safe, in my arms."
"You always take care of me, Sissy. That's what big sisters do, right? They take care of their little sisters."
"That's right. Now if you don't go to sleep I'll get Mom in here to take care of you. I'm tired and so are you."
"Just sing 'til I fall 'sleep. Please. I'm almost there. Please, Sis?"
I allowed myself to remember how she would crawl into my bed and curl her tiny frame around mine, burying her hands in my dark hair. She said it was like silk. Her tiny hand would comb and twist it as I sang to her, until it finally stilled and she slept.
I would never feel that touch again. In those quiet moments in the dark I would whisper my hopes and dreams to the only soul in the world who I felt would understand them- my baby sister. Only five short years separated us, but there were times when I felt as if she were my own child. I loved caring for her and mothering her. I also loved being her "bestest friend".
My tears flowed unchecked onto the tabletop as I remembered the child who all of our lives had revolved around. After all these years the pain was still so fresh. I was mourning her as if she had died just yesterday. I was that little eight year old girl again; sad, scared, broken, alone. There was so much we shared, and it was gone just as she was gone.
We shared a talent, a connection through our music. We'd sit at the piano bench for hours, our legs would go numb from hanging in the air, but we refused to tuck them beneath us. That just wasn't good form, and good form was crucial for good playing! It was the same piano that sat at Charlie's home in Forks. He'd offered to let me have it when I moved back to Florida, but I could only picture it either with him or back in our home in Arizona.
Arizona. We were so happy there. Until the accident, that is. After that horrible night everything changed. Mom and Dad couldn't deal with the pain. Their marriage couldn't survive the strain of losing a child. None of us could live in the home that had once been so filled with her life. I refused to sleep in our room or play on our piano. Renee and Charlie never spoke, and when they did it was in hushed, angry tones. One day they announced over breakfast that Charlie was moving to live in the town he'd grown up in- Forks, Washington; and that Renee and I would be moving to Jacksonville, Florida. Renee sounded excited at the idea of living on the beach, but I could hear her heartbreak woven into her voice. And I had caused that heartbreak. Our entire family was shattered and broken- because of me.
My entire life had been an exercise in being the person Reese would never get the chance to be. Oh, I lived my life for me, but I had done everything with added conviction and purpose, because Reese could not. She had often told me how she wanted to be a teacher when she "grewed up". When the time came for me to declare a major in college, I figured that going for a teaching degree was as good as any; I could always change it if I wasn't happy. As it turned out, I was actually a fairly decent teacher and really enjoyed teaching. Yet another way for myself and the Angel to be close.
Eight years. My entire life could be divided into eight year intervals. Eight years in Arizona with Theresa. Eight years in Florida with Renee. Eight years in Washington with Charlie. I wondered what would mark the next eight.
The phone rang then. It buzzed and vibrated across the table next to my untouched dinner. I brushed the moisture from my eyes and quickly cleared my voice, trying to compose myself enough to answer it. I recognized the name as I answered the phone as best as I could. It was Edward.
"Hello?"
"Bella? Is that you? Your voice sounds odd, are you alright? It almost sounds like you've been crying."
"Oh, um. I'm fine, Edward. Just a trip down memory lane, that's all."
I made a less than attractive sound as I blew my nose as quietly as I could into my dinner napkin.
"Oh, my god. You have been crying. What's the matter? No, wait, I'm coming over. I'll be there in seven minutes or less."
"No, Edward, really, I'm fine. I was remembering some things and they made me a touch emo, that's all. I'm really okay."
"Just say the word, baby, and I'll be over there. My sister lives across the hall with her husband, and I can get her to come over here with Masen. I'm serious. Just tell me to come over and I will.
"That's sweet, but I don't think it's necessary. I just need a good long soak in the tub and to hit the sack early."
"Well, if you're sure..."
"I'm sure."
We talked as I cleaned up the kitchen and let Darcy out for a break. I felt the same sense of loss as I had earlier when we hung up the phone. It was overwhelming, and I almost broke down again, but I managed to make it to the tub with my glass of wine that I'd yet to drink. I slipped under the cool sheets after my therapeutic soak, and quickly drifted to sleep. My dreams were of sweet, little Reese and Edward. They were walking on either side of me, each holding a hand.
~oOo~
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